It's a 9 Wind day on the Mayan Sacred Calendar, January 7, 2014
I am writing this under the receding influence of a number of drugs:
Another new beginning; a change I've been anticipating: having a painful bone spur removed from the top of my big toe where it meets the metatarsal; and today it was done. I sit now on my bed, foot elevated, periodically icing it and finally writing here - something that's been on my mind, in my heart for quite a long time.
But first to the foot, my left, to be exact. The trouble began with a motor vehicle rear end collision that triggered this spur to grow. Over time the big toe began to turn toward its neighbours, which precipitated sharp stabbing pain in those toes. The mechanics of walking on my foot began to change in small incremental ways and eventually I got orthotics to help me, especially since I enjoy hiking, walking and being otherwise active outdoors.
Eventually I began to experience pain in my right hip area and right knee whenever I lay down to sleep and the pain began to disturb my rest. On testing, it became apparent my right leg was weaker than my left and I was advised to do exercises that would strengthen it, especially since I'd be getting surgery on the left foot and my right leg would need to carry most of my weight.
It's not my intention to bore anyone with all these details, but I do want to say that I could see how things were unfolding. The left foot problem was creating issues of balance in the right leg; in my entire alignment, in fact. So, today I celebrate the start of the return of my alignment, perhaps its entire correction, which I trust will have me pain free again in all those places which have been steadily more problematic in the last few years.
As I review all this I have a great appreciation for the unfolding of the divine choreography through time and space. I can look it over and see, as if from a heightened view, how it all came about, as if I were the creator of it all. It is a story with an opening, middle and end. Patience has played a big part in it and while it is indeed a story, there's been just a modicum of drama in it - for example, minor hiccups in finding a suitable surgery date, but not much more than that.
I didn't realize when I began to write here what the import of this writing really was and it's coming to me in the course of the writing. The example of my foot story is one which could be applied to every aspect of my life. The collision, which was not my fault, did arise at a particular timespace, based on a decision I made about what time I left home for work. This choice set in motion a series of events; beginnings. Today I celebrate the end of some of those events: completion, and the start of new ones.
I'm not entirely sure I can fully express what I'm getting at here, but the awareness of being the creator, being able to seek and find a perspective or viewing place from which to witness the unfolding of it all (whatever that may be in my life) is what I'm getting at here. I believe it is possible to find that observation spot regardless of what is occurring in one's life. It relates to my intention for the entire Regenetics work: to find a place of equanimity; rather like sitting in the middle of the teeter-totter and seeing clearly all sides or aspects of a situation without being blown away by any single part of it.
Now, I had this intellectual belief about all this before, long with teachings about it, but as of tonight, as I am still feeling the effects of the anaesthesia, freezing and pain meds, while my brain function seems slowed down, I have an awareness of this which feels very humbling to me, awesome, in fact. I feel as though I have looked into the Universe and grocked a tiny portion of the Mystery.
I would welcome hearing from anyone on the forum of your experience, whether similar or entirely different. I hope I have expressed in full enough form something that resonates with you. I am seeking an echo.
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April 13.14 1 Flint
It was a stinky beginning to the day - my armpits! Phew! And other aspects too. Yesterday I felt so weary in the afternoon, I lay down for a nap and awoke an hour later and went to sleep around 10 last night. By then I had the notion that I was beginning another detox: my skin was giving it away. I had painful sores already and more are trying to emerge on the tip of my nose, around my forehead, near the bridge of my nose.
My foot doctor told me my hamstrings and achilles tendon are rock hard and this is why I'm having such pain in my feet; I've been given stretching exercises to do 3 times a day, to relieve and stretch the tissue. I went for a walk down the road near our house, where I collect up the trash, bottles and cans along a 3 mile stretch. Of course, there was new stuff in the culverts, but not too bad.
I heard the pond froggies singing for the first time this year; hearing them brings joy to my heart. I thanked them again for their return. Then we caught sight of a kind of dove, unusual to this area, in our yard and this afternoon, I spotted the female of the duo. Further down the road, a van with three ladies in it, did a u-turn and stopped by the side the road. I asked them if they were lost and they said, no, but did I see the moose there in the bush? I did catch one of the two and again was filled with gratitude for there being such creatures here; that I live where they are. I beamed out love from my heart to them all.
Going by my neighbours' place, there was their horse, sitting up so pretty in the middle of their driveway, blocking their car and soaking up the rays. What a sight! It made me laugh and laugh.
Back home with cramps in my lower abdomen, I raced to the toilet. For at least a couple of days, my body has been dumping a lot, several times a day and so it continues. I am drinking lots of water and really enjoying the taste of it. I am alone now at home for the next week. The only sound is my ears ringing, more or less. I never know what makes them get louder or softer. It's another thing I've just had to surrender to.
I enjoy the silence, but miss my husband already. He worries about me, because he knows I've been going through a strange patch of late, but there's nothing to worry about. I'm simply surrendering (today, anyway) to the transformation being wrought within me and around me. I am relaxing when I choose to and working when I feel to do that. No pressure. I sleep when I feel I need or want that and the days go by. At times I feel like an old woman in a senior's home, the days slipping by uncounted, unaccounted, nothing-special-to-report kind of days. A part of me doesn't feel good letting time go by like that, not being usefully directed. Other times my day is full, even more full than I'd care for it to be and I yearn for bedtime. I sure hope these changes bring me to a place of greater equanimity and balance. But that might just be too boring.
Right on, Riesah! Much love & many blessings in between ...
Sol, dear Friend, thank you for saying what you have. To know that I'm not alone in this is such a gift, and to know that you too are somewhere in my space or I'm in yours, imparts the feeling of your warm company. Thank you so much.
Sol said:
All I can say, or feel like saying right now, is that I really identify with your almost palpable evocation of being "in-between" in my own life these crazy days of wild and wooly personal and planetary transformation ...
April 11, 2014 12 Wisdom on the Mayan Sacred Calendar 6 descending 8 days following SoD Reproductive
After a sublime experience on Thursday last week with the SoD (read in the Forum under Songs of Distinction) my forehead at the hairline began developing painful sores or cystic acne. Other spots on my face started and then disappeared quickly. Then I felt bumps in my scalp, something I've not had to deal with for a long time, after years of these, and on different places on my body. Nothing showed up on the body, thankfully, and the scalp sores never really grew into anything. Maybe this means they're finally going for good.
How to describe my "thinking" of late? After many experiences which led to great disappointment because I felt so let down by companies, people who profess to offer the best of service in their field. If service were a fish that hit them in the face, they wouldn't recognize it. This refers to the Westin Hotel in Edmonton, SFX Travel out of Arizona, and others who will remain nameless. I've come to the recognition that we can no longer rely on recommendations of even other organizations who've been recognized as having superior facilities and capabilities who refer to other corporations as being superior.
In fact, I've come to realize that the illusion we all have bought into as humans that this is the door and there is the window, this is a chair, no longer applies. I feel I am being awakened to the sham of that agreed-upon reality and feel myself suspended between that 3-D state and the 4/5th-D, only I can't quite yet recognize it, can't quite trust what I think or feel it is, am still becoming slowly educated to it.
That 3-D so-called reality feels to me like painted landscape on paper, that I've put my foot through it, out into space/time and now I don't know what or where from or if the ground will come up to meet me. So, here I am wavering between what I sense I'm kind of leaving and what I wonder will be the new reality I'll (we'll) live. As I contemplate that now, I feel like a newborn in a new world and this time there are no teachers; I am the teacher, the student, the baby, the All-Knowing and within me reside all the answers I'll ever need for all the questions I'll ever ask or want answers for.
I read what I've written and could say "what wisdom!", but I'm not even sure I know what I'm speaking of here. It's like being blind, and being led forward by an inner wisdom that knows long before I ever do. Is this the new reality? The new way I'll be living? with my wisdom/intuition (my Entelechy, as Jean Houston calls it) taking me by the hand and leading me forward, as I feel my way along the walls?
I am searching inside to create more space, so I can locate the resources box/bag that came with me, ready for this time. I need them now, I feel. I'm reluctant to speak to those whom I call friends and such, concerned that I may be judged as more balmy than even they thought me to be before now. So here I write my thoughts and feelings, listening and looking for echoes from the cosmos to welcome me back home.
9 Sun 7 Ascending March 26, 2014
I've been experiencing a lot of challenges: projects I start, like rebranding my work, have not worked out, whether because it didn't feel right to work with that person or something else stood large on the landscape and was impossible to ignore. Then a week-long workshop retreat planned for November, 2014, has just now been cancelled.
We were working with a supposed top travel membership service, who, right from the start, caused me to work long hours, days, to put this all together. Their concierge service for our participants was the draw to paying the membership fee, but so many things continued to go awry, I could no longer ignore what was fast becoming a fabric with glaring huge holes in it.
They say that what you put your attention on grows and lately I've become more and more alert to the fact that one cannot anymore go by a reputation alone for services. What my experience has been is that customer service is going the way of the dodo. Companies may advertise and market themselves as being the best in class, but these words are empty, when what follows doesn't nearly match what they claim to offer.
I feel as though I am looking at a landscape that is merely painted on paper and in no time, one can see large pieces of the scenery falling away, leaving gaping holes into space, here in 3D. One puts one's foot through the hole and can't be sure anything will rise up to meet one's foot on the path, moving into 4-5D.
Indeed, chaos is at large. I have had about a half dozen of such experiences of late and I'm brought up short. Am I on the wrong path, heading in the wrong direction? Or is all this a challenge to test my greater intention to step forward and keep going? I don't have an answer...yet. And I'm quite perturbed. Will I ever achieve my goals or will I continue to be stuck, spinning my wheels? Am I having short tests in the "upper worlds" or am I delusional? I had a few days where I truly began to think I was crazy. Then I realized I had missed taking my thyroid supplement for a couple of days. Tilt.
Yesterday, for the first time in memory, I threw a tantrum. I was alone and so acting out was quite a healthy release of toxic energy for me. Truth is, I'm frustrated beyond belief. With technology, with seeking a way to run my business in a way that will serve more people than just working one on one, with the generalized condition that is so prevalent: sleep-walking, half-dead people taking up space.
I look inside myself and see, since I am the common element in all these scenarios, am I the one needing the tune-up? What inside of me is magnetizing these situations? Who is a good mirror I can look at from the inside out and see the truth revealed?
Another challenge is my food allergies: egg whites, cow dairy, soy(deadly) and wheat. So many of the foods I enjoy are Asian and more often than not, contain soy, which pouffs up my lips at the slightest amount, telling me I could go into shock. I'd like to say that my allergies have decreased, but it's just the opposite for me. These foods create inflammation, not a healthy result. I don't so much care about the dairy or even egg thing, since these can be overcome, and I rarely eat any bread, but if I do it's gluten-free. Reading this over, my food complaints feel more like a tempest in a teapot. I mean I have so much to be grateful for.
It's time for bed.
7 up 10 Toj
Hi Sol, happy belated birthday wishes to you.
I wish what remained of the winter were a whole lot less than what I'm seeing at this moment out my window! With the wind chill, it's -25'C or so and this promises to continue for several more days at least.
I failed to mention in my last entry that I'm also having a lot of kundalini activity. This isn't the first time, since that started many years ago, but these came on the heels (no pun intended) of my foot surgery. They felt like shivers going up my back and continued for about a week or so, several times a day.
Something quite synchronous also happened today that reminded me about an important thought or message I got right at the end of the dream I mentioned that left me rather uneasy. It was, that even though where we live, on the eastern slopes of The Rockies, is filled with beauty and holds for me a deep bond with Chief Mountain and Spread Eagle Mountain, we are between the Shell Waterton plant (oil & gas) and the Twin Butte Energy plant (gas). Many neighbours and friends have died of or are sick with cancer.
This morning in conversation with a neighbour i learned that another once-defunct oil well is being recommissioned and it's about 2 miles east of our place, and, along that same road, will be build high tension towers to carry the excess energy being generated from this area into foreign markets. These towers will essentially create a line of high power lines that will run through the migration path of many raptors, cranes and other birds in their journey.
What makes all this so significant is that our acreage has been up for sale for more than a year and I have struggled with the feelings I hold with this place, nature and all that it is for me (15 minutes' drive to Waterton Park where we hike, canoe almost daily in 3 seasons, snowshoe in winter and celebrate with picnics, etc). In a word, I've been rather resistant to moving from here, even though we've known this community is not ours, not for us. So, for the very first time, the message came in loud and clear. In a flash as if, I feel ready to let go and move on to our next adventure. Extraordinary.
I feel as though I should drop everything and just begin to jettison a lot of stuff, so we don't have to cart it all with us. This includes leaving our dear yurt here on the land, sitting over a gorgeous clear energy vortex; I feel it has to do with my bond with the land. We'll see how that unfolds.
This pretty much brings me up to date, except I need to also record here that, while so many others seem to be struggling with the pressure from all the chaotic changes going on around them, I seem to be feeling quite the opposite for the most part. My relationship with my husband continues to be playful, loving and close. I feel a deep gratitude every day for the abundance of our life, even though we contended with some dry spells on the work scene awhile back and so on. Still, we make our way through it together, marvelling at our luck.
Happy Year of the Wood Horse, a fiery year, with lots of combustion already witnessed in some parts.
My pleasure. I always enjoy perusing your eloquent observations on your own process, Riesah!
Glad to know that your foot is healing and that your work with clients is progressing nicely. :-)
Please continue to keep us in the loop--and stay warm through what remains of the winter ...
It's an 8 Deer day on the Mayan Sacred Calendar and I don't know quite where I am in my Transcension cycle.
Today I feel as though all my creativity and drive went off together on a road trip and left me at home. Perhaps it was the funeral of a good friend yesterday, where the eulogy, delivered by the daughter and son-in-law, sounded like a news editorial, devoid of feeling and missing any acknowledgement of his great humanitarian work. Maybe that set me off, but a lot of judgment came up for a time, including wanting to be away from a man we know who constantly seeks me (us?) out. I don't want to be near him at all, can't define why exactly, but as soon as he shows up, I pick up and go find others to talk with. It's rude, I know, but I cannot abide his energy; it feels like catching a germ. I don't know what to do about this. A part of me, avoids him, another part wants to sit him down and tell him how I feel, but I just know it would be to no avail.
Perhaps I'm just all boxed up, unable to go for walks, to move my body as I'd like, to move my emotions. Good thing it's not hiking season! Tonight I asked my husband to wrassle with me and that's what we did until I could feel the emotions inside me and finally release some tears. I celebrate my friend's liberation, but will miss him and his generous heart.
Today I also felt as though there was little I could do that was "right". Perhaps it's my age that keeps me talking with someone long after their interest is flagging. So I was hard on myself and then forgave myself for such harsh treatment. I'm missing my women friends. I'm yearning for some time on a beach somewhere warm. I want to get away. I forgot that it can get like this just before my birthday. The other day I was thinking that I was doing better than usual; maybe, but it didn't last long. And this will pass soon too.
My foot is healing nicely; the scab that formed after the stitches were removed has now gone. I am trying different shoes, or boots to wear, hoping one of them will be comfortable enough to see me through a long day. So far, no luck, but I'm optimistic. The bone underneath is still quite sensitive and I feel it periodically, knowing this is part of the healing process.
I have been dreaming more than usual, dreams that I can recall, all or part of, and some are Medicine dreams. One in particular, left me feeling uplifted, joyful, brimming over with tears of gratitude, while another, from this morning, has left me with a vague uneasiness I cannot describe. The other morning the dream then was giving me instructions on how to examine things in life.
Work with clients has been very challenging and also satisfying. We've tackled some very deep, old issues and cleared a lot of obstructions such that they report feeling so much better, freed up and alive. I rejoice.
Maybe I have some stuff to clear out too. I'll do a check-in and see.
Thanks Sol and Leigh for the space to express myself.
Sounds like an eventful start to 2014, Riesah! I hope you're well on your way to recovery!
As for your more philosophical thoughts, the type of perspective you reference has been something I continue to experience fairly frequently, something I attribute in large measure to Regenetics.
Here's a painting I did some time ago on this subject. Perhaps it will speak to you nonverbally. :-)
http://sol-luckman.artistwebsites.com/featured/sits-in-the-middle-a...